Happy Birthday, BAC!

 
Darlings, it's BAC's birthday! I almost forgot, but Dr. Zaius reminded me. You simply must go and wish her a happy birthday!
 

Listen Up, Everyone! An Important Organization Needs Your Panties!

 

remember girls, this is St. Valentine's Day!
We must keep the members of the weaker sex in their place.
Hello, darlings! I bring to you today a story that is close to my heart, a tale of countering right-wing religious extremism with one of my favorite weapons of choice, pink panties! It seems that recently in India, some overly religious Republican members of the weaker sex (Sri Ram Sena and his Bajrang Dal activists), are beating up women for publicly drinking, going to bars or wearing clothes that these fanatics deem too revealing.

With the help of Dr. Zaius and his patented whosiwhatsit technology, I am able to bring you a few videos of some of the recent news events. (These videos will play in the window above.) I have a video of some innocent girls being assaulted in a Mangalore by these loathsome thugs, and a video of what will happen to these goons if you do your part to help the anti-terrorist organization: the Consortium of Pubgoing, Loose and Forward Women!

In remarkably ironic twist to the tale, these Hindu hillbillies are now trying to ban St. Valentine's Day, and are threatening to attack couples found celebrating the romantic holiday. They want to get rid of a holiday that is about defying persecution by persecuting people! (For those of you that might not remember the story, Saint Valentine was the guy that was beaten, stoned and beheaded by the Roman government for helping young Christian couples get married. I love a happy ending!)

The Consortium of Pubgoing, Loose and Forward Women are asking their supporters to send pink panties (they call them "chaddis") to Sri Ram Sena, the leader of the dispicable religious terrorist organization - the Bajrang Dal.

send your pink panties or pictures of pink panties to this address:

Pramod Muthalik,
Sri Rama Sene Office
No. 11, Behind New Bus Stand,
Gokhul road,
Lakshmi park,
Hubli
Karnataka
PIN 580030

You can also send your hearfelt message to the despicable terrorist organization, the Bajrang Dal, via email (join@hinduunity.org). Here is the link to the Evil Bajrang Dal website.

To find out more about the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women, go to their blog, and their Facebook page, or you can read more about the organization on the internet.

The Consortium of Pubgoing, Loose and Forward Women do not color-discriminate. If you can't send pink panties, send panties in other colors. And both women and men are invited to send in their "chaddis" or pictures of "chaddis!"

I first heard about the story on "The Rachel Maddow show," of course.

Happy Valentine's Day! 

Happy New Year!

Peace On Earth, Baby!!

Darlings, it is the yuletide season and you know what that means!

Eggnog, baby! Okay, I must admit that I'm not much for frothy drinks, but one can always take the eggnog recipe and reduce it to its essence.

Traditional Eggnog Recipe

12 eggs, separated
6 cups milk
2 cups heavy/ thickened cream
2 cups bourbon
1+ ½ cups sugar
¾ cup brandy
2 teaspoons ground nutmeg

In a large bowl and using a mixer, beat the egg yolks together with the sugar for approx 10 minutes (you want the mixture to be firm and the colour of butter).
Very slowly, add in the bourbon and brandy - just a little at a time.
When bourbon and brandy have been added, allow the mixture to cool in the fridge (for up to 6 hours, depending on how long before your party you're making the eggnog).
30 minutes before your guests arrive, stir the milk into the chilled yolk mixture.
Stir in 1+ ½ teaspoons ground nutmeg.
In a separate bowl, beat the cream with a mixer on high speed until the cream forms stiff peaks.
In yet another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form.
Gently fold the egg white mixture into the egg yolk mixture.
Gently fold the cream into the egg mixture.
After ladling into cups, garnish with the remainder of the ground nutmeg.

The Germaine Gregarious Eggnog Recipe:

Exactly the same as above EXCEPT omit the eggs, milk, cream, sugar and nutmeg. Mix well in a snifter. Swirl. For best results, omit the brandy and double the bourbon.

Cheers my Dears!

No Rest for the Wicked

Looks like Dr. Zaius says Game On! Enrique! Wash the bus and gas'r up. We've got another four year road trip to go on.

I Love Getting Even

I loathe the organized crime syndicate located out in Utah. I loathe that they pay no taxes and therefore can spend millions and millions of dollars in California telling beautiful people like Portia DiRossi and Ellen DeGeneres that their marriage is about to be recalled.

While I'd like to show the mormons just how vulnerable their protection by magic underwear is from an attack of my fembots, what say we organize to have their tax-exempt status revoked?

Darlings, it feels really really good to sign this petition. Here's the link, my dears.

I like my revenge served hot.

Memoirs

I'm thinking of writing my memoirs. Can anyone remember 2003 for me? It's a bit hazy.

This is not the year for Simians.

No one of the monkey, ape, lesbian, hockey, frog, or galactic explorer persuasions won the election yesterday. One would expect me to be gracious in defeat. It is difficult to say the least. I took Betty, my favorite pink Glock, to the practice range today and now I am much better. I see things much more clearly.

And truly, it was a very historic election. America has for the first time ever voted for someone from Hawaii as our president.

Mai Tai's All Around!!!!!

Darlings! Germaine is a little hung.

Oh! What a swell bash it was! Dr. Zaius entertained with his kooky Charlton Heston imitation. You really must ask him to do it again sometime, it involves playing dead, a crowbar, a shotgun and really cold clammy hands. And Fran and The Cunning Runt staged a Cliff Notes version of Cabaret for us. Ah, life is a cabaret my friends. Poor Kristi Love. I'm sorry to say her hockey mom costume was SO realistic that Dr. von Monkerstein put the hockey stick in a place that made it a pogo stick. Ouch.

Enrique is bringing me a hangover elixir once he tracks down those free range eggs for me. Since the back 40 is really 80 I do hope he finds them quickly.

Once my pumpkin is more like a melon, I'll be back with photos and of course a ginchy prize!!

Love dears. Now be quiet, Auntie Germaine is hung.

Halloween Bash, My Dears!

I've been on the road quite a bit lately doing my part to seal the victory of the Gregarious/Zaius campaign, though rumors that I have 'gone rogue' or that I am completing my victory lap are absolutely false.

No, no sweeties! Right now, even as close to the election as we may be, it is time to put aside our differences and to put upon ourselves our halloween costumes!!!

This Freaky Friday All Hollow's Eve I shall again host a rocking Halloween party. Tell me your costume in comments, and do be a dear and add a link to a photo of your get-up!

Bloody Marys all around! And there'll be alcohol too!

Oh, and dears, this year the prize will be a certifiably ginchy award that you can post on your very own blog!

Darlings, Lighting Up the Campaign!

Darlings, you know that a campaign team consisting of a really really really old male and a hot young woman is the winning combo! Add to that opulence and glamour, beautiful homes, jewels, lawyers, guns and money and well hello next Ms and Mr President and Vice President of these United States of America!

However, like a fabulous souffle, you need more than eggs and cheese and flour and air to create something wonderful. Sometimes the best efforts just fall flat.

Accept no imitations!

Gregarious/Zaius!

Why men will always fail

The Bikini Effect.