Friday, July 11, 2008

The Rumors, The Rumors!

Darlings, the rumors do swirl about don't they? Let me set the record straight, sweeties, just in case you were purchasing a dollop of hype.

It is true that I was kidnapped by Ecuadoran Rebels. Enrique wanted me to see his home village, so as a birthday gift he arranged my trip. On the ride from the airport to his quaint little town a some ugliness ensued: chaps in retro surplus togs grabbed me from my Range Rover and it was all fried grubs for a week. My post of Monday, July 7th was written entirely in code by Enrique to rebel leaders by way of negotiation. Despite Enrique's good works I was actually freed by Air America Radio personality Rachel Maddow who stumbled onto our camp while out on a tour of the Andes with President Rafael Correa, who was teaching her the Quechuan language in a total immersion program.

The scurrilous, nay scandalous, reports that I arranged twenty million dollars payment to the rebels for my release is simply silly. Nor did John McCain have anything to do with my release. And I simply refused to follow his lead of staying with my captors after my release had been arranged. I mean, who does that?

Anyhow, I'm spending the weekend in the underpantsatorium. A hookah may be involved. Cheers, my dears, and thanks to all for the wonderful birthday greetings. I hope you understand now why I was so long in acknowledging your best wishes. Truly I could kiss you all. The girls at least twice.


Dr. Zaius said...

Enrique is from Ecuador? I thought that he was Glendale! I am glad that you got home safe!

Mmm... Do you have any fried grubs left?

dguzman said...

Wow, did you and Rachel do any total immersion?